


Angst Confession

by themayqueen



Category: Hanson (Band)
Genre: Depression, Epistolary, Family Issues, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Religious Conflict, Suicide Notes, Teen Angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2001-06-16
Updated: 2001-06-16
Packaged: 2019-02-05 06:57:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 426
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12789255
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/themayqueen/pseuds/themayqueen
Summary: Zac writes a letter that might be his last.





	Angst Confession

Dear Journal,

I hate my life. I know a lot of people, namely the fans and the media, would ask why. Why? When my life seems so perfect, why would I hate it? Well they don't see it all. They don't see Isaac yelling at me for every little mistake, blaming things that could not possibly be my fault on me. They don't see Taylor strolling in drunk three hours late, sometimes not until morning. They don't see my little brothers and sisters crying and screaming at my parents and sometimes at me (because they know I'll listen) about how they never get to see us because we're either on tour or at home, recording or sleeping. No, they don't see all that. I see that and more and I don't want it.

They see me as the smart one, the boy who's knowledge is years older than him. Well I don't want this knowledge. I don't want (and doubt I need) half of things I know. People twice my age haven't lived life as much as I have. Why am I the special one that knows so much more than everyone else? I don't want this. I want to be a normal teenager that is learning little by little.

They think we're these good Christian boys. Do you see me wearing the cross around my neck? No. That's Taylor and Isaac. Why should I give so much praise to a God that will let me suffer like this? I prayed to be famous and I got it. When I saw what it was doing to everyone, I prayed for it to end. And it is. But it's taking so long and it's harder to watch it slip away and hear how our comeback flopped. It hurts so much to be 15 and know my career is over, but I wanted it this way, didn't I? Sometimes I don't know anything and that scares me more than anything.

I'm suppose to be the strong one. When did I become this weak? I'm sitting here curled up in the corner of my room and crying so hard it almost hurts. My tears are hitting this page and blurring the words so much I can barely read it. I don't know how much longer I can take all this. If I'm not already insane, I'm getting there fast. I want out of my life and I want out fast. Someone please get me out of this...

And if this sounds like a suicide letter, maybe it is.

-Zachary


End file.
